Julie Klausner’s Fight for Gender Equality Through Vagina Jokes

Over the course of a three-season run on Hulu, Difficult People featured hundreds, if not thousands of jokes. Jokes about celebrities, jokes about New York, jokes about relationships, jokes about narc issist mothers. Hell, probably at least half of them were about Kevin Spacey. It's because the show's creator, Julie Klausner, just loves a good joke and writes a good joke. So, with so many jokes to pick from, when asked, which did Klausner choose to center an interview around?

In season two, episode nine, Billy, played by Billy Eichner, is cast to play a Beaver That Teaches Kids About the Potty, and he learns that his face will be visible in the costume. Dejected, Billy walks over to the craft services table and has this exchange:

This moment is the subject of this week's episode of Good One, Vulture Comedy's podcast about jokes and the people who tell them. Listen to the episode and read a short excerpt of the discussion below. Tune in to Good One every Monday on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

So, in this scene, Billy Eichner's character is on a set talking to someone in craft services. Out of nowhere, the craft-services guy daydreams about the size of Julie's genitalia and says, "I like it when the roast beef goes past the b read." What made you write this joke?I'm in favor of ridiculing female genitalia for the sake of equality. I've had so many experiences growing up where you see a character get kicked in the balls and then you have to be like, "Oh, that's gotta hurt!" I think it's important that we reference naked women as something beyond objects of sexual desire.

For a bit like this, do you think of the character first or something funny for the character to say?I just remember thinking that it'd be really funny if this dirtbag craft-services person only cares about whether Julie has a big pussy. I really like it when men like big pussy. Not that he's like a feminist icon or anything, but there was a Jim Norton routine about how much he likes big pussies. I'm sure that's another way to commodify women's bodies, but I like hearing it. It shows a diversity in exploitation.

Were there any other versions of the roast-beef line?No, there was absolutely no way I was going to change that. The network was amenable, but if they had come back, I would've given them a fight. I want the opportunity for women to be as disgusting and immature and stupid and obnoxious and make jokes about how gross their genitals are that men have had the benefit of doing for years.

It feels like one of the dirtier jokes of this show, but Hulu had no problem with it?No. I remember there was something in season three where Billy and I are waving at, like, a bus of tourists and we're saying things like, "You dumb motherfuckers." We say, "Fucking Trump voters," and Standards and Practices wanted u s to get rid of that. We fought back and they acquiesced, but it was one of these things where like, "Oh, you're okay with us attacking Trump, but you don't want us to go after his base."

For a joke like this, how do you make sure the joke's target is clear to an audience?Well, sometimes it's not and you can't control that. The joke in the pilot about R. Kelly was misinterpreted because Blue Ivy was perceived as the target. Originally, it was a joke about Eric Clapton's dead son. I remember, USA bought the pilot and we were like, "We're not going to go on USA with a joke about a dead kid, we'd better make it about sexual abuse." It had to be something upsetting enough for people to be outraged, and then people were outraged by it in real life. People are smart. I'm not gonna say, "Well, they really didn't get it." If people think that children are not to be joked about, I respect that and I regret not making my intentions clearer. Fuck R. Kelly forever, but I don't like having been misinterpreted.

What do you like about writing hard jokes — jokes with strong setups and punch lines?It's the only thing I really love about writing — when you're pulling teeth but then you discover a joke. It's like panning for gold. It just feels so satisfying.

I was rewatching Difficult People to prepare to interview you, and I stopped to watch the Golden Globes. Looking at Twitter during the ceremony, I realized what about Difficult People I missed so much. It's just so irreverent about famous people. Though, reading interviews with you and pieces about the show, it's clear that some interpreted it as distaste for celebrities. But it speaks to the internet we both cam e up with — where now, things seem many degrees more reverent, more earnest. Why do you feel it was important to make room for your perspective?I find it annoying when the internet decides that they unconditionally like a celebrity. I'm just gonna use as an example — I don't dislike her; I actually like her a lot — but we stan Rashida Jones. Oh, great news, Rashida Jones is doing this! It feels like you're back in high school. Kristen Bell's another one, or Aubrey Plaza. Again, these women are great and funny and gorgeous, but I love Liza Minnelli. Why can't we talk more about her? You take shit when you go after people that the internet has decided "We Universally Love." Difficult People is a great outlet to express annoyance about that through the guise of two characters that don't give a shit and are jealous. That are like, Why is that person famous and I'm not?

You've said that the one thing you wish you could have written a joke about since Difficult People ended was Nanette, which is a show you've said you liked. It's so interesting, this show makes fun of these dramedies, but you've also said you like them. It is a key distinction between you and the character you play.Well, it's definitely it, isn't it? Isn't that nice to have? I'm sure Larry David isn't obnoxious to everyone in restaurants and stuff, it's just the funnier way of doing it. But, yeah, oh boy, Nanette is something Billy and Julie would have gone off the rails about. Just like, "Wait a minute, this lesbian who wasn't that funny 30 minutes in says she's not go nna do comedy? And we're supposed to be upset? All right." That's what they would say, Jesse. That's what they would say.

I know you can't talk about what you're developing …I'll talk about it. I'm working on two new TV shows. For the love of God, please pray tonight to Satan or whomever you worship, Christian Bale, for them to go forward. I understand why Scientology is a thing in Los Angeles, because it's the exact same rhythm of television development. [They're] like, "Oh, you'd be great at this?" You're like, "Me?" And then you go off and you write a script. And they're like, "This is fantastic." Then you're like, "It is?" And then they're like, "Sure, why don't you wait six months and then maybe we'll pitch it." And then someone buys it. You're like, "They did?" And then they're like, "We're gonna make a pilot." You're like, "You will?" And t hen like two years later, they shoot it. And then in another six months, they're like, "We're gonna go to series" or not. All the steps they take you through, it's exactly like Scientology. And you're broke at the end of it.

Can you say a little bit about what the things are?They're both half-hour comedies. One I'm working on with Alex Scordelis, whom I've been working with for over a decade, whom I adore. And the other is something that I'm writing for myself to star in. And it is sort of autobiographical but from a different place than when I wa s writing Difficult People. I was coming from a very different place, so this is a different kind of thing. But they're both half-hour comedies for cable.

What do you like about working on them?I'm just such a joke whore. I just love writing jokes and enjoying them and getting excited about, like, "Oh my God, what if we actually get to say this on camera? That would be so cool."

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"By attaching a photo of me to this article, it implies that I am able to produce sperm?!" Fisher wrote alongside a photo of the article on Instagram.

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Peter Fitch said he enjoys hitting the Redmond Pool after school, being part of a team and helping lead the Mustangs to success from his captain's spot. Jason Fu jokes that while he may sometimes get the Mustangs out of line himself, Ma is there to get them back on track.

Along with a lot of young, fast kids making waves for the Mustangs this season, the senior captains have been making their marks in the 100 backstroke and 200 individual medley (Fitch), 100 breaststroke and 200 individual medley (Ma), and Fu hopes to make some noise in the 100 butterfly. Fitch, who has been to the state meet twice, has a personal best of 1:58 in the 200 IM and 56.0 in the 100 back (he hit a 53.0 in club action). Fu, who has swam at state in the relays along with Fitch, notched a PR of 55.69 in the 100 fly last season and hopes to qualify for state in that event for the first time.

Ma said that stepping into a captain's role has been a rewarding experience.

"When I first came to the team as a freshman, I was definitely on the shyer side," said Ma, adding that he embraces the responsibility to guide his teammates, "Not only in swimming and what we're doing here at the pool, but becoming more open and coming out of their shells."

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What's the best piece of advice you've ever been given?

Ma: Aim high, but be realistic with your expectations.

Fu: Not directly been given to me, but the best piece of advice I've ever heard was "We're in here for a good time, not a long time."

What do you appreciate the most in life?

Ma: I definitely appreciate the people around me, so my teammates, my fellow captains. That translates to just making sure that when I'm around people, I'm lifting people up the best I can. And if the people around me are feeling good, then I am, too.

What's your favorite restaurant in the area?

Ma: I don't go out to eat a lot. Jason takes us to Five Guys a lot, that's pretty good. I love pancakes, though… anywhere with pancakes, so IHOP, we went to Family Pancake House.

What's your biggest pet peeve?

Ma: I get particularly annoyed when someone might do something wrong, and then of course, a lot of people like to shrug off some blame.

Fitch: I don't really like when people chew with their mouth open. Just really gets on my nerves. (Ma jumps in and does just that as everyone laughs.)

Fu: Chewing with mouth open is up there.

What's your dream vacation spot?

Fitch: Mexico Beach, Florida, 'cause my uncle lives there and we've gone to visit him a couple times and that's just really fun — fishing and hanging out on the beach there.

What superpower would you like to have?

Fitch: I guess it would be cool to fly.

What's your favorite movie of all time?

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What's a special skill that you'd like to learn?

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What's your favorite kind of music?

Fu: I like music that kind of makes you nostalgic for something you've never had. I'm talking like "Country Roads" is one of our favorite songs here at the swim team…. "Bohemian Rhapsody." We're like a little bit past that generation. Everyone still really gets into it, and honestly, I have no idea why.

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Louis C.K. unapologetic in San Jose with jokes about his sexual misconduct, ‘kids that got shot’

As more than two dozen protesters rallied outside Louis C.K.'s performance at a San Jose comedy club Wednesday night, the embattled comedian wasted no time inside addressing the sexual misconduct scandal that crashed his once high-flying career in comedy, TV and film, according to audience members.

After receiving a standing ovation, C.K. opened his set by saying, "I like to jerk off, and I don't like being alone," according to Daily Beast writer Stacey Solie, who attended the sold-out show at the San Jose Improv.

The masturbation joke refers to C.K. being accused in a November 2017 New York Times report of forcing female colleagues to watch him masturbate.

C.K. offered "no trace of an apology" with his joke about his sexual misconduct, according to Solie. The joke still managed to get "a good laugh," Solie added.

Another person attending the show also said that C.K. addressed the controversy at the start of the show, then noted on Twitter, "It was a really great time."

But Solie offered a somewhat different take, saying that "the first half of the show garnered a lot of laughter," including when C.K. addressed his missteps. But "the energy started to go downhill" about halfway through — after C.K. made a joke about 9/11, she said.

C.K.'s missteps involved sexual harassment claims made by five women in the New York Times report. After admitting the women's claims were true, the 51-year-old comedian, actor and director lost his production deal with FX Networks, and his film, "I Love You, Daddy" was shelved.

He kept a low profile until this past fall when he began to mount a comeback by performing in comedy clubs such as the San Jose Improv. C.K. is scheduled to perform again Thursday night. That show also is sold out.

Solie said one way C.K. addressed his missteps was with this joke: "If you ever need people to forget that you jerked off, what you do is you make a joke about kids that got shot."

The joke was a reference to his attempt to mine humor at a show last month by mocking teen survivors of the February 2018 shooting in Parkland, Fla.

"They testify in front of Congress, these kids," the Emmy winner had joked at the Governor's Comedy Club in Levittown, N.Y., on Dec. 16, according to reports. "You're not interesting because you went to a high school where kids were shot," he added. "Why does that mean I have to listen to you?"

It was jokes like that, as well as his admission of sexual harassment, that prompted about two dozen protesters to gather in the pouring rain Wednesday outside the San Jose Improv.

The rally was attended by organizers of the San Jose Women's March and the Enough is Enough Voter Project, a national political action committee aimed at targeting politicians who condone violence against woman. The groups denounced the Improv for booking the comedian.

"We are here because Louis C.K. is an admitted serial sexual harasser. He caused tremendous damage to the careers of young women comedians who were very brave and came forward against him," said Michele Dauber, founder and chairwoman of Enough is Enough.

"We do not think it's appropriate to welcome him back as a celebrity as if he has not caused all of this harm," she added. "He does not appear to really be accountable or be sorry for what he's done."

Solie wrote that C.K. demonstrated none of the "charming self-deprecation" or empathy he once successfully used to leaven some of his more abrasive and edgy humor. Solie added that there "were a lot of tired jokes," including one that relied on racial stereotypes and references to men's penis sizes.

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That joke generated both laughter as well as "a lot of groans," Solie said.

The Improv defended its decision to book C.K. by saying in a statement that it doesn't "censor artists."

"We want them to perform without scrutiny," according to the statement. "We trust that our audiences can decide for themselves what their limits are. We understand that not everyone will agree with our decision and we respect their right to protest. We also respect Louis C.K.'s right to perform."

Before entering the venue, ticket holders declined to be interviewed when approached by a reporter, but one man who asked to remain anonymous said, "I like to separate the art from the artist."

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Louis C.K. Jokes About Masturbation and ‘Retarded’ Kids at San Jose Show

Louis C.K. Photo: Kevin Mazur Photography/2016 Getty Images

Since August, Louis C.K.'s return to stand-up has been mostly limited to venues in New York like the Comedy Cellar and Governor's in Long Island. Now he has officially delivered his first West Coast performance thanks to the Improv in San Jose, which booked C.K. for three sold-out shows this week, including one last night and two this evening.

According to the Daily Beast, C.K.'s set last night brought back some jokes from his leaked December performance, including a joke about black and Asian men's penis sizes with the punch line "All Asians are women." There was also some new material referencing his own sexual misconduct, including the line, "I like to jerk off, and I don't like being alone."

"You've read the worst possible things you could read about a person, about me, and you're here … The whole point of comedy is to say things that you shouldn't say. That's the entire point," C.K. also said during the set, which reportedly drew about 30 protesters outside the venue. C.K. further referenced his sexual misconduct with a joke about how comedy is like porn: "Then he made a joke about a porn star's asshole," the Daily Beast notes, "and concluded that the world needs porn because it somehow keeps men from molesting their colleagues at work."

C.K. used his sexual misconduct as a punch line again in a joke that explained why his leaked December bit about the Parkland shooting survivors was cut from the San Jose set, telling the crowd, "If you ever need people to forget that you jerked off, what you do is you make a joke about kids that got shot." The set also included less well-received jokes about 9/11 and a riff on "retarded" kids. Despite C.K.'s apparent dependence on shock-value jokes, the Daily Beast reporter notes that after speaking with some audience members who received his set less warmly, "They weren't offended, they just didn't think it was funny."

The San Jose Improv is the first West Coast comedy club to publicly announce multiple C.K. stand-up performances. It remains to be seen what other venues will welcome C.K. onto their stages, but the issue remains highly divisive among comedy bookers, producers, and comedians around the country. "Some people have called comedy clubs the last bastion of free speech in America. I believe that and feel a duty to protect that concept. With that in mind, I'm very reluctant to disallow an individual stage time because of their views or personal life," Bob Fisher, owner of the Ice House in Pasadena, told us earlier this month. "If Louie C.K. were to ask for time onstage, I would allow it as long as I could advertise his appearance in advance. I'd want those in the audience that night to know he was going to appear.� �� Los Angeles–based comedian and show host-organizer Mike Mulloy, however, offered a very different response: "He doesn't need to do stand-up to make a living. He's a fucking millionaire. He should have to sit out twice as many years as he lied about it. He should have to sit out twice as long as the women whose careers he's directly impacted. Any comic who disagrees can kiss my ass."

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70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

Funny Status — Jokes — Fun Quotes

Friends, Have a look at the 70 Funny Status. You will love them all. The best chosen quotes and status lines for FUN. Read them all and share with your friends and family. The Best 70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp list starts here. You will surely like them.

70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.

I've been using Google for 10 years and I have no idea who uses the "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.

Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.

Restaurant Advertisement: We serve food as HOT as your neighbour's wife; And beer as COLD as your own.

If you can't Change a Girl…..Change the Girl.

C.L.A.S.S- come late and start sleeping

Having a best friend with the same mental disorder is a blessing. LOL

If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

Sorry about those texts I sent you last night, my phone was drunk.

That awkward moment when you realize that "deleting History" is more important than "creating History" nowadays.

I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don't have one, it's probably you.

Women should not have children after 20. Really… 20 children are enough.

There are no winners in life… only survivors.

I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode.

I'm Jealous Of My Parents… I'll Never Have A Kid As Cool As Theirs!

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

I always learn from mistake of others who take my advice.

I wonder what happens when doctor's wife eats an apple a day.

We live in the era of smartphones and stupid peoples.

Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.

I love my job only when I'm on vacation.

Faces YOU Make ON The Toilet lol (o_o) (>_<) (0_0) (^_^)

God made everything that has life, rest everything is made in China.

Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

We are WTF generation …. WhatsApp, Twitter and Facebook

70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

It may look like I'm deep in thought, but 99% of the time I'm just thinking about what food to eat later.

My father always told me, 'Find a job you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life.

I want someone to look at me the way I look at cupcakes!!

Girls, if he only wants your breasts, legs, and thighs. send him to KFC.

Dear MATH, stop asking to find your X, she's not coming back.

Don't steal. That's the government's job.

My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it. lol

A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

Did anyone else notice the sound if you click the like button on my status?

If time does not wait for you, don't worry. Just remove the battery from the clock and enjoy life.

70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

Always wear cute pajamas to bed you'll never know who you will meet in your dreams.

All my life I thought air is free until I bought a bag of chips.

Fact: Phone on silent mode- 10 Missed call… Turns volume to loud- Nobody calls all day!!

If College has taught us anything, it's texting without looking

No, I'm not feeling violent, I'm feeling creative with weapons.

People call me mike .. You can call me tonight.. :p

It's been 70+ years, Tom. You're never going to eat Jerry

There's like 7 billion people in this world and no one wants to date me. I hate this world … huh

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, nobody else wanted them either

I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button

70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

God is really creative , i mean ..just look at me

6 Peg Loading ..

If you are going to speak bad things about me on my back, come to me. I'll tell you more.

I've had a horribly busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide.

We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.

Google just called… Google said, "Someone is looking for you".

Today's Relationships: You can touch each other but not each others phones.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software…it's called #Monday, please fix it

70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Some people should have multiple Facebook accounts to go along with their multiple personalities.

Seeing a spider is nothing. The problem is when it disappears.

Whoever says "Good Morning" on Monday's deserves to get slapped

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

Everything funnier when your supposed to be quiet..

My biggest concern in life is actually how my online friends can be informed of my death..!!

When I'm on my death bed, I want my final words to be "I left one million dollars in the…

I look at people sometimes and think ….. Really?? That's the sperm that won.

Funny Quotes — Funny Jokes and Status For WhatsApp

The post 70 Funny Status Funny Jokes For Kids and Fun Quotes For WhatsApp appeared first on QuoteⓝStatus.

Source: http://quotenstatus.com/funny-status-jokes-fun-quotes/

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We Need to Stop Letting Mom Guilt Keep Us From Having Fun

When I became a mother, I learned the true meaning of guilt. I would feel guilty when I put the crying newborn down just so I could pee. I would feel guilty if I took a few moments to shove dried-up toast into my mouth instead of reading to my toddler when she asked. I would feel guilty if I left my kids with my husband for six minutes so I could take a shower. And now that my kids are older, I've had to face the hard truth: Widespread mom guilt is keeping us from having fun, and it needs to stop.

Because my guilt has only grown as my kids got older. I feel guilty for wanting to get out of the house without them. I feel guilty for going back to work and spending eight hours a day at the office. I feel guilty for having a night out with my girlfriends and leaving my husband to put our kids to bed. And it's not healthy.

I know I shouldn't feel tied down by my mom guilt, but I feel it just the same. Somehow, I feel I need to be with my kids during every waking moment — and the sleeping moments too. Like I should want to spend all of my free time with them and not worry about things I need — you know, like adult conversation and hot meals.

This summer, I spent three days on vacation without my children for the first time in their lives. And let me tell you: It was glorious. But I didn't just drop everything and ship them off to their grandparents. I didn't just pack my bags and hop into the car without a second thought. Plus, it took my husband months and months to convince me to take this trip (sure, "dad guilt" is real, but my husband doesn't seem too affected by it — and he knew the two of us needed some alone time together).

Every time he suggested it, I shut him down. It was impossible. How could I leave my children for three whole days? They would be devastated. How could I spend three days sleeping in clean hotel sheets without being woken up at the crack of dawn? I should be at home taking care of my kids.

Little by little, my husband convinced me to go. He booked the hotel, he got the grandparents to watch the kids, and he packed the bags.

Every step of the way, I fought him. Well, my mom guilt fought him. My mom guilt told me I couldn't do this. My mom guilt told me I was a bad mother for wanting time away from them. My mom guilt told me taking care of myself was no longer a priority — and while I'm mostly over it, that mom guilt still rears its ugly head from time to time.

Nevertheless, I'm thankful my husband pushed me to go away for the weekend without the kids.

We had a great time. We laughed at jokes the kids wouldn't have found funny. We slept in till noon. We ate dinner at a normal time instead of 4:30 p.m. Everything about those three days was necessary. And best of all, the kids barely noticed we were gone.

Mom guilt, especially when it comes to self-care, doesn't only affect me. It's like a plague many mothers of young children are living with. Mary Fraser-Hamilton, a teacher with three kids ages 2, 5 and 7, says she's had to modify her expectations of what self-care looks like since becoming a mother. "I used to wander aimlessly in stores or coffee shops as a way of getting alone time. Now, I ask my husband to take the kids on a bike ride so I can do the weekend chores without kids climbing all over me."

Another way Fraser-Hamilton makes self-care work is changing her hobbies so they fit around her family's schedule. "I used to sing in choirs, but the evening rehearsal time away from my family was too challenging. So now, I dabble in creative writing, reading really good books and learning to play the ukulele so I can sing and play with my kids."

Krista McGrath, a palliative specialist radiation therapist and mom of two boys ages 2 and 25, has an insightful perspective on self-care. "Someone once told me to think of self-care like this: It's like when you're on an airplane and they tell you if the cabin pressure drops, you have to put your mask on first and then your child's."

McGrath explains, "It's the same thing. Sometimes, you just have to put yourself first so you can take care of all the people in your life that you need to take care of. If I don't take care of myself, I won't have the emotional and physical fortitude to fulfill my role as a mom."

Moms can't sacrifice every part of themselves to take care of their kids. It's just not possible — and it's certainly not healthy. We need to push back the mom guilt in favor of self-care, self-love and continuing to be our own people with our own lives. Whether it's having an uninterrupted shower, gabbing on the phone with a friend or literally leaving our kids for a few days, taking care of ourselves and having actual fun is an important — and necessary and healthy — part of being a good mom. And, you know, a human.

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Gwyneth Paltrow Reveals She Is ‘Mortifying’ to Her Kids Apple and Moses

Gwyneth Paltrow and Apple Courtesy of Gwyneth Paltrow/Instagram

Oscar winner Gwyneth Paltrow's kids, Apple, 14, and Moses, 12, wish she could act a little more cool. 

Just Like Us: Celebrity Moms

"I am mortifying. Like, I am the most embarrassing person all of a sudden. It's been, like, a couple good years that I've been the most embarrassing person," Paltrow, 46, revealed in a teaser for the Friday, January 11, episode of the Rachael Ray Show. But Apple finds her mom especially cringeworthy.

"If I do anything silly in public, the color drains from her face," the Iron Man actress explained. "Any silly jokes, or if I dance, like in a store, God forbid. She's like, 'Mom!' and I'm like, 'OK, sorry, got it.'"

Celebrities and Their Look-Alike Kids

Earlier this week, Paltrow recalled a recent shopping trip with Apple. "There was some really great song playing," the New York native recalled on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon. "And she just looked at me, and she was like, 'Don't even think about it.' And I was like, 'Oooh, Apple,' and she's like, 'Do not, Mom.'"

As for Moses, the Clean Plate cookbook author described him as her "little food adventure pal" and raved that they love eating out together in Los Angeles. "[We'll] find some crazy dim sum place far away from where we live," she said on the Rachael Ray Show. "He's just the sweetest. He's a very open eater."

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Paltrow shares her children with ex-husband Chris Martin. The couple split in 2014 after 10 years of marriage, but remain close friends.

"We just wanted to minimize the pain for the kids," she said during the Wednesday episode of Live With Kelly and Ryan. "They just want to see their parents around the dinner table, basically, so we just try to keep that."

Paltrow married Brad Falchuk in September 2018.

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Kids tell silly jokes in new PSA campaign supporting fatherhood

A group of cute kids are telling some truly groan-worthy "dad jokes" on Tell a Joke Day to promote fatherhood in a new PSA campaign.

The HHS Administration for Children and Families (ACF), along with the National Responsible Fatherhood Clearinghouse, has launched a new series of public service advertisements recognizing the critical role fathers play in the lives of their children. The campaign created by the Ad Council and creative agency Campbell Ewald coincides with Tell a Joke Day and centers on the popularity and growing trend of telling "dad jokes."

Through sharing these jokes, delivered by kids who clearly enjoy telling them, the PSAs aim to communicate to fathers that the smallest moments spent with their children can make the biggest difference in their children's lives. The ads direct fathers to Fatherhood.gov, where users will find tips, tools, information and jokes to help them get more involved with their kids.

An estimated 24 million children in the US don't live with their biological fathers, and a recent Ad Council study on fatherhood involvement found that most fathers surveyed said that the issue of "father involvement" was important to them personally and most have sought information about how to spend more quality time with their children.

"Although this campaign utilizes a lighthearted approach to the subject of effective fatherhood, its emphasis is one of real importance to fathers and families everywhere; that fathers play a crucial role in impacting positively the lives of their children and of their families as a whole," said Steve Wagner, ACF acting assistant secretary.

The campaign tagline, "Take time to be a dad today," is part of an ongoing effort to encourage dads to play an active role in their children's lives.

"Dad jokes represent more than just a trend; these jokes are smiles, moments, and memories made with one of the most important people in a child's life. We hope this work shows dads that making an impact on their children's lives can be as simple as making them laugh," said Lisa Sherman, president and chief executive of the Ad Council.

"Jokes can be found in every dad's bag of tricks — dads of all backgrounds, situations and complexities. Some are groan-worthy and some are downright corny. But that exchange of humor, which only takes a shared moment between dads and kids, creates cherished childhood memories," said Jo Shoesmith, chief creative officer at Campbell Ewald. "This work captures all of the natural, quirky ways kids go about reciting jokes shared by their dads."

The Ad Council is distributing the new PSAs to media outlets nationwide this week, and they will also be made available through PSACentral.org.

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Happy Halloween! 24 funny jokes and quotes for kids and adults this All Hallow’s Eve

Happy Halloween!

Tonight is all about scaring the bejesus out of one another with a little clever make-up and a trip down Wilkos for some fake blood.

Halloween dog costumes: 13 outfits for dogs that are winning at Halloween

That and stuffing your face with chocolate coins, pillow sweets, Haribo and those out-of-date quality streets you bought from Poundland two years ago.

Of course, Halloween isn't just about fueling Britain's obesity epidemic, there is a very serious history to the date dating back to the pagan times.

Here is everything you need to know with a few Halloween quotes and jokes added into the mix.

Halloween Jokes

1) Q: What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?A: Spelling.

2) Q: What do you call a cow with no legs?A: Ground beef

3) Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?A: To get to the body shop.

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4) Q: What's brown and sticky?A: A stick

5) Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?A: Because you can see right through them!

6) Q: What do ghosts use to wash their hair?A: Shamboo!

7) Q: What is a vampire's favourite fruit?A: A nectarine!

8) Q: What kind of dessert does a ghost like?A: I scream!

9) Q: What do birds say on Halloween?A: Twick o tweet

10) Q: What do you get when you cross a Cocker Spaniel, a Poodle and a ghost?A: A cocker poodle boo.

11) Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?A: Frostbite.

12) Q: Where do ghosts buy their food?A: At the ghost-ery store!

13) Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?A: He didn't have any guts!

14) Q: What room does a ghost not need?A: A living room!

15) Q: Which ghost is the best dancer?A: The Boogie man

Halloween quotes

1) Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble – William Shakespeare

2) Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain – J.K. Rowling

3) This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him – Conan O'Brien

4) The thing under my bed waiting to grab my ankle isn't real. I know that, and I also know that if I'm careful to keep my foot under the covers, it will never be able to grab my ankle – Stephen King

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5) Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do! – Groucho Marx

6) I must go in. The fog is rising – Emily Elizabeth Dickinson

7) Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn't know what to do! I'd knock on people's doors and go, "Trick or treat." "No thank you" – Rita Rudner

8) Hark! Hark to the wind! 'Tis the night, they say, When all souls come back from the far away- The dead, forgotten this many a day – Virna Sheard

9) There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls – George Carlin

Why we celebrate Halloween When is Halloween?

Halloween is marked on October 31 every year.

Why do we celebrate Halloween? Aberystwyth University students in fancy dress (Picture: Alamy)

Halloween dates back to the pagan times and is thought to originate with the Celtic pagan festival of Samhain. Samhain was a celebration of the end of the harvest season, meaning 'summer's end'.

Gaels in this period are thought to have believed this time of year was also when the walls between the worlds were thin and porous and enabled spirits to pass through. Gaels feared the return of spirits through this thin wall between the worlds because they thought they might damage their crops for the next season.

As a result, to appease any spirits that would creep through, they would set up places at their dinner tables and offer the spirits food and drink. Bonfires would also be lit to scare off evil spirits.

But isn't Halloween a Christian thing? Halloween themed cupcakes (Picture:Getty)

Halloween also marks the day before the feast of All Saints Day (also known as All Hallows), a day that dates back to the eighth century and was designed to stamp out pagan traditions and convert people to Christianity.

On this day, Christians would honour the saints and pray for spirits who hadn't yet reached heaven.

Why do we go trick or treating? Rear view of three children wearing halloween costumes (Picture:Getty)

Trick or treating started in Ireland, Scotland and Wales and involved people dressing up in costumes and knocking on doors asking for food. The groups would offer up poems and songs in exchange for the food.

This trick or treat tradition evolved into children exchanging prayers for the dead in exchange for 'soul cakes' in the 11th century in a tradition called 'souling'. These soul cakes were sweet with a cross on the top and they were intended to represent a spirit being freed from purgatory when eaten.

By the 19th century, this had evolved into a tradition where children would sing songs, tells jokes and read poems instead of prayers for pieces of fruit and money. Later, the children would play threatening pranks on people to get them to hand over sweets.

The name 'trick or treat' was first used in America in 1929 after immigrants took traditions surrounding the day overseas.

Why do we dress up? Woman with blood around her mouth and glowing eyes (Picture:Getty)

People first started dressing up as souls of the dead, angels and saints for Halloween hundreds of years ago.

The origins of doing this – particularly among the trick or treaters –  was because people believed impersonating the spirits in this way would offer protection from them.

Why do we carve pumpkins? Halloween pumpkin (Picture: Alamy)

This goes back to the Samhain festival when people would decorate their homes to ward off bad spirits. They used to carve turnips and over time this evolved into carving pumpkins. This is believed to be because when Irish immigrants were in America they could only find pumpkins to carve. The pumpkin carving tradition took off properly in the 1920s.

The term 'Jack O'Lantern' is believed to have come from the folk story of Stingy Jack who tricked the devil into buying him a drink. Because of this, when he died he wasn't allowed into heaven or hell but instead was trapped by the devil instead a burning ember, which was kept inside a turnip.

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Thanksgiving Humor: 22 Funny Jokes for Kids and Adults To Tell Around the Dinner Table

Thanksgiving is almost here, and with it comes the inevitable stress of seeing your crazy extended family, braving the crowds on Black Friday and being forced to eat green bean casserole just to be polite. You could use something to lighten the mood.

Well, then you can be thankful for Newsweek, because we've rounded up the best Thanksgiving jokes the interne t has to offer.

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There's comedian Kevin James, for example, saying, "Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day for my pants." And Johnny Carson, who o nce argued that Thanksgiving is so emotional because "people travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year—and then discover once a year is way too often." Or Erma Bombeck, who joked that Thanksgiving dinners are typically eaten in 12 minutes—the exact length of a football game's halftime.

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Even presidents get in on the fun. As Barack Obama's term was winding down, he started intentionally embarrassing his daughters, Malia and Sasha, with his terrible Thanksgiving puns at turkey pardon ceremonies. Obama bragged that economic indicators were "worth gobbling about," and made a play on his campaign slogan� ��"yes we cran." Last year, he gave a nod to the turkeys who didn't get pardoned and therefore "didn't get to ride the gravy train to freedom."

If you're rolling your eyes, keep reading. Here a re several other kid- and adult-friendly jokes collected from Boys Life, Reader's Digest and Jokes4Us:

Q: Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?A: Because he was out-standing in his field.

Q: Why was the Thanksgiving dinner so expensive?A: It had 24 carrots.

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Q: What did the turkey say to the bird hunter on Thanksgiving Day?A: Quack, quack.

Q: Which side of the turkey has more feathers?A: The outside.

Q: Why did the turkey get arrested?A: The police suspected him of fowl play.

Q: What sound does a turkey with a limp make?A: Wobble, wobble.

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Q: How do we know the Mayflower liked America?A: It  hugged the shore.

Q: What did the turkey say before it went in the oven?A: Man, I'm stuffed.

Q: Why were the cranberries red?A: They saw the turkey dressing.

Q: If fruit comes from a fruit tree, what does a turkey come from?A: A poul-tree.

Q: What do you call a turkey on the run?A: Fast food.

This article was first written by Newsweek

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Louis C.K. Makes Fun of Non Binary Kids and Uses Gay Slur in Leaked Set

Screenshot via YouTube

A comedy set of disgraced comedian Louis C.K. was leaked which shows him mocking non binary people and using an anti-gay slur, reported Variety.

In the set, which he performed at Governor's Comedy Club in New York on December 16, C.K. details the ways he finds this generation of young people obnoxious, including struggling with gender identity.

gaylouis c.k.non-binaryParkland

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Comedy Club Owner Defends Louis C.K. After He Poked Fun at Gun Control-Pushing Parkland Kids in Leaked Set

Comedian Louis C.K. threw out controversial remarks during one of his recent standups, taking a brutal swipe at those who were affected by the mass shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida.

The leaked audio of the controversial comedian at a previous comedy set in Governor's Club on Long Island drew a lot of criticism, but the owner of the comedy club where he performed is standing by him.

Joe Raedle/Getty Images

"They testified in front of Congress, these kids, what the f**k? What are you doing?" Louis C.K. is heard saying during the leaked audio of the set, discussing the shooting that killed 17 people on February 14, 2018:

"You're young. You should be crazy. You should be unhinged, not in a suit… you're not interesting because you went to a high school where kids got shot. Why does that mean I have to listen to you?"

Listen to the audio below:

"You didn't get shot. You pushed some fat kid in the way. Now, I've gotta listen to you talking?" the comedian added.

While applause can be heard, he received backlash over the leaked audio as some survivors from Stoneman Douglas responded, slamming him. This comes after the comedian was accused of sexual misconduct allegations in 2017.

As IJR Blue reported, Stoneman Douglas students respond:

One father who lost his 14-year-old daughter during the shooting responded to the comedian's remark.

Fred Guttenberg, an activist who is vocal about his push for gun control, rebuked the comedian saying, "My daughter was killed in the Parkland shooting. My son ran from the bullets. My wife and I deal with loss everyday. Why don't you come to my house and try out your new pathetic jokes?"

Comedy club owner defends Louis C.K.

The owner of Governor's Comedy Club, where Louis C.K. performed, James Dolce defended the comedian's comments.

"It's comedy. You know who you're coming to see. The people who were upset about it probably weren't at the show. He got a standing ovation. He brought the house down. He's a genius," Dolce said, Daily Beast reporter Kevin Fallon reported:

"I have no regrets at all. He's a legend ion the comedy biz. To have a legend play my club is an honor."

However, others weren't too happy with the comedian's "hacky, unfunny, shallow routine," which is a symptom of lack of empathy, one comedian wrote.

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Parkland survivors slam Louis C.K. for tasteless jokes

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