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sexta-feira, 31 de maio de 2019

19 Corny ‘Star Wars’ Jokes Your Kids Will Love

Since Star Wars stormed into the collective consciousness in 1977, there have been almost as many Star Wars parodies as there are actual Star Wars things. From Mad Magazine to Family Guy to Robot Chicken and beyond, making fun of the Force is part of the ways we express our love for that wonderful energy field that surrounds us, binds us, and often, makes us want to buy a lot of lightsaber toys.

Obviously, as a piece of mainstream media, Star Wars has always been positioned as something for the whole family, despite the fact that p arents routinely are murdered by their children in pivotal moments of the saga. Still, kids love Star Wars, and most fun parents are totally on board with that fact. But how do you impress the Star Wars kid who knows everything? Informing them about the finer points of the second draft of The Empire Strikes Back screenplay written by Leigh Brackett or debating about which aspects of Boba Fett's backstory are or are not canon can be a buzzkill for a little kid. When it comes to making kids happy, ancient film geek knowledge is no match for a corny joke by your side.

Here are 19 kid-friendly Star Wars jokes to kick your child's funny bone into hyperdrive.

(Editor's Note: Except for the very first joke, all of these jokes were written by me. That's why they are silly dad jokes. Though, I am certain some of these puns are universal, meaning maybe you also have similar versions of these jokes! I saw the Anakin joke o n Twitter, specifically from Uproxx writer Mike Ryan, who had the joke told him by someone at airport security. That joke, in part, inspired this list.)

1. How long has Anakin Skywalker been evil?

Since the Sith Grade

2. What's Yoda's advice for going to the bathroom?

Doo-doo or doo-doo-not-do.

3. What was Luke's secret codename before he got his mechanical limb?

Hand Solo

4. What do you call food made by baby Wookiees?

It's good, but it's a little Chewie

5. What's the name of Obi-Wan's twin brother?

Obi-Also

6. What do you call Kenobi triplets?

Obi-Threes

7. Why did everyone in the Resistance stop speaking to Finn on the planet with the giant sun?

He called it a Rey of sunshine.

8. Where does Kylo Ren get his creepy black clothes?

From his closet.

9. Where does Kylo Ren buy his clothes?

From the mall. I mean, have you seen how much Kylo Ren stuff they have there right now?

10. Why does Kylo Ren's lightsaber have so much crackle?

Snap and Pop were busy.

11. What did Rey say when she met Leia?

"Chewie wants a hug, too. Also, that medal you owe him."

12. What kind of spaceship did Luke fly in grade school?

An ABC-Wing.

13. When Luke joined Red Squadron everyone played a prank on him. What was it?

He got a Biggs Wedgie.

14. What did everyone call Lando before he came a really good pilot?

Crashdo.

15. How do Sith Lords say goodbye?

Darth-LATER!!!

16. What is Jyn Erso's favorite color?

I'm not sure, but I bet it's a rouge one.

17. What do you call C-3PO when he's being a good listener?

Hear-Threepio.

18. Did you hear about the Gungan who became a taxi cab driver?

His name is Car Car Binks.

19. What did Leia's adoptive parents say when she used to sleepwalk as a child?

Uh-oh, it's the rise of Skywalker.

Related Articles:

The post 19 Corny 'Star Wars' Jokes Your Kids Will Love appeared first on Fatherly.

quarta-feira, 29 de maio de 2019

Seth Rogen apologises for 'blatantly homophobic' jokes in his early films

Seth Rogen apologises for 'blatantly homophobic' jokes in Superbad, 40 year-old Virign | indy100

Actor Seth Rogen has apologised for homophobic jokes in his films.

Rogen, who stars in films including Pineapple Express, Knocked Up and Superbad, addressed jokes in early films in an interview with GQ.

I've had people come up to me and be like, 'That made me feel like sh*t when I was in the movie theater and everyone was laughing about that.'

Like the 'How I know you're gay' thing [from The 40-Year-Old Virgin], it's something people have been like, 'It's not fun to be in the theater when people are laughing at that, knowing what they're probably actually laughing at.'

And I don't want anyone to have that experience watching our movies.

This isn't the first time Rogen has apologised for homophobia in his films

In an interview with The Guardian, he said some of his films feature "blatant homophobia", using 2007 hit Superbad as an example.

It's funny looking at some movies we've made in the last 10 years under the lens of new eras, new social consciousness.

There's for sure some stuff in our earlier movies, and even in our more recent movies,– where even like a year later you're like… maybe that wasn't the greatest idea.

There are probably some jokes in Superbad that are bordering on blatantly homophobic at times.

They're all in the voice of high school kids, who do speak like that, [but] I think we'd also be silly not to acknowledge that we also were, to some degree, glamorizing that type of language in a lot of ways.

Though , thankfully, Rogen was an outspoken supporter of same-sex marriage well before it became legal in the United States.

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segunda-feira, 20 de maio de 2019

The science of jokes for kids: Children laugh at the unexpected, not funny punchlines

Unlike sarcasm or irony, jokes for kids aren't funny because of subtlety. Thankfully, the quality of laughter is largely unrelated to the sophistication of the joke teller. For children, humble potty humor has no less brain-boosting worth than a clever pun. As long as the end result is laughter, kids will reap the benefits. But what about parents who are worried they can't tell jokes at all? Happily, there are professionals who know exactly where a kid's funny bone is located and can help parents get the laugh every time.

Neuroscientist Robert Provine, author of Laughter: A Scientific Investigation has made a career of studying how and why people laugh. In his research, he found some important neurological factors to laughter that might help parents trying to get a kid to laugh. First off, laughter isn't necessarily about what's funny. Also, it occurs autonomously and without effort. And finally, it's a behavior deeply rooted in relationships, which is also why it's contagious. Often laughter itself is all that's needed to elicit laughter.

"Laughter is the sound of play — physical and cognitive," explains Provine. "And can be encouraged by engaging in more play." But calling laughter the "the sound of play" isn't just a metaphor. It is the literal evolutionary origin of laughter. The panting of our playful ancestors became the laughter of modern humans. No jokes were necessary.

"Also, since laughter is highly social, occurring 30-times more often in social than solitary settings," Provine says. "For more laughter in your kid's life, they must be in the presence of others."

  •  Laugh First: Laughter is contagious. If your laughing your kid might just start laughing along with you.
  •  The Jokes on You: Kids love laughing at adults. It's empowering and surprising. Make yourself the butt of the joke and laughter will follow.
  •  Add a Twist: The best jokes have an unexpected twist, lean into the surprise.
  •  Add Poop: Potty humor never fails. Just be prepared for the repercussions.
  •  Repeat Yourself: If a kid found a joke funny once, they'll find it funny again, and long after you've tired of telling it.
  • No one knows the reality of social kid laughter better than entertainers. After all, It's their job to make kids laugh. Jack Bedell-Pearce is a father of two and a professional magician and member of the prestigious Magic Circle. He notes that one of the best ways to make a child laugh is to offer the unexpected, particularly if it's at the expense of an adult. "Balloons popping, puppets misbehaving, props spontaneously breaking and things generally going missing are hilarious to kids," he explains.

    Bedell-Pearce also notes that kids find it funny to have more information than adults. "Kids are rarely in the position of having more information than adults, so when the roles are reversed not only is it funny, it's also empowering."

    His experience is very much in line with research about what makes jokes funny. Consider the work of psychologist Richard Wiseman who spent a year looking for the funniest joke in the world through his LaughLab project. Based on his research, Wiseman found that while a person's taste plays a small factor in whether or not someone finds a joke funny, the most hilarious jokes share a few distinct qualities. According to his final analysis, Wiseman found the best jokes "sometimes make us feel superior to others, reduce the emotional impact of anxiety-provoking situations, or surprise us because of some kind of incongruity."

    A kid-friendly joke from Belgium is exemplary in those factors: Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

    The factors of a funny joke may also explain what Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Katie Ziskindone considers one of the most hilarious subjects a parent can address with a kid. "Children laugh at jokes that have to do with poop," she says. "Children are fascinated with their bodies and even adolescent will laugh at poop emojis and poop jokes."

    Why is that? For kids, poop jokes hit at least two of the three factors that make a joke funny. For one, they address the anxiety-provoking topic of pooping. Also, poop jokes offer an incongruous surprise in that it's a private subject being talked about in a public way — with adults. What's not to laugh about?

    Sure, scatological humor is gross and cheap, but again, the social benefit of laughter is not dependent on whether or not the joke will pass muster with people who listen to NPR. "Laughing together directly improves family relationships," Ziskindone explains. "Laughter can be used to help a child overcome a challenging situation and cheer them up. Laughing together increases bonding, trust, and attachment."

    In other words, it's a very good thing. And it's not hard to keep a good thing going, according to Bedell-Pearce. "Remember that a child's appetite for repetition is not like that of an adult," he says. Making a kid laugh is one place where variety may not particularly helpful. As long as adults don't mind repetition, they can get they laugh as often as they're willing to repeat the joke.

    Which means that parents might want to get ready to tell their best poop joke over and over (and over) again. And guess what: After you and your kid have been laughing at that poop joke for long enough, you might actually start to get it.

    This article first appeared on Fatherly.

    The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids

    As early as two-years-old, kids will start to laugh at farts. At three, the word "butt" becomes a brilliant stand-alone punch line. In other words, the human taste for crude humor starts very early. And good luck trying to keep your kids away from these kinds of jokes. Potty humor ingrained is in all us. Even children can identify the hilarious incongruence between the veil of civilization and the reality of what happens inside of bathrooms and bedrooms. Hearing and telling dirty jokes is good for us and probably good for your kids on some level.

    A good bathroom joke points to life's juxtapositions and says, "Yes. T his is absurd. It's okay to feel that way and it's best just to laugh at it." So as long as you draw clear lines for your children about when it is and is not appropriate to tell dirty jokes, it's great to arm them with a few good ones. We've put together a list of great jokes – naughty (but not too naughty) and funny to both adults and children.

    (Use at your own discretion!)

    1. A pirate walks into the doctor's office:

    Pirate: Doc you got to help, me ship's steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.

    Doctor: So, what's the problem?

    Pirate: Doc…it's driving me nuts!

    2. An old married couple are in church one Sunday...when the woman turns to her husband and says, "I've just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?"

    The husband turned to her and said, "Replace the battery in your hearing aid."

    3. If you're American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?

    European

    4. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?

    To do his duty.

    5. A wife sent her husband a romantic text message... She wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you". Her husband texted back: " I'm on the toilet, please advise."

    6. What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

    It got peed-off.

    7. Why did the baker have smelly hands?`

    Because he kneaded a poo!

    8. There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Bear

    The Englishman said I like English ladies best.

    The Irishman said I like Irish ladies best.

    and the bear said I like bear ladies best.

    9. Why did the ketchup blush?

    Because he saw the salad dressing.

    10. What's brown and sticky?

    A stick.

    11. What comes out of your nose at 150 mph?

    Lambogreeny

    12. I farted at work the other day.. and my coworker started trying to open the window. It must have been a really bad one – we work on a submarine

    13. I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day… when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, "How dare you fart in front of my wife!" I said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize it was her turn."

    14. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

    "How do you breathe through that thing?"

    15. This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off…After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

    16. Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

    It got stuck in the crack.

    17. Two fish swim into a wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

    Related Articles:

    The post The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell to Your Kids appeared first on Fatherly.

    domingo, 12 de maio de 2019

    14 Jokes for Kids That Will Actually Make You Laugh

    No matter how old they are, kids are often naturally hilarious and often truly love being told and telling jokes, particularly of the question-and-answer variety. But as much as you may want to foster their love of laughter, there are only so many ways to tell "why did the chicken cross the road?" or "knock, knock" jokes! Not to mention that plenty of children's jokes get stale quickly—or, let's be honest, aren't even all that funny to begin with. Thankfully, there are jokes for kids that will actually make you laugh. 

    Here, 14 zingers from comedians and authors Michael Strecker (author of Young Comic's Guide to Telling Jokes) and Rob Elliott (author of Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids). 

    1. When will the little snake arrive?I don't know, but he won't be long.

    2. Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?He made a grave mistake.

    3. Why should you not let a bear operate the remote?He will keep pressing the paws button.

    4. Why did the man get fired from his job at the coin factory?He stopped making cents.

    5. Where did article on the famous owl research appear?In the "Who's Who."

    6. Why didn't the dental hygienist like her award?It was a plaque.

    7. Why was the road nervous?It was about to get graded.

    8. Why did the dinosaur refuse to wear deodorant?He didn't want to be ex-stink.

    9. Why was the weightlifter upset?She worked with dumbbells.

    10. What kind of match is hard to get out of the box?A wrestling match.

    11 .What is the Pope's favorite scent?Pope-pourri.

    12. Why did the pony get sent to his room?He wouldn't stop horsing around.

    13. Knock knock. Who's there?Funnel. Funnel Who? The Funnel start once you let me in!

    14. What do music and chickens have in common?Bach, Bach, Bach!

    sexta-feira, 10 de maio de 2019

    14 Jokes for Kids That Will Actually Make You Laugh

    No matter how old they are, kids are often naturally hilarious and often truly love being told and telling jokes, particularly of the question-and-answer variety. But as much as you may want to foster their love of laughter, there are only so many ways to tell "why did the chicken cross the road?" or "knock, knock" jokes! Not to mention that plenty of children's jokes get stale quickly—or, let's be honest, aren't even all that funny to begin with. Thankfully, there are jokes for kids that will actually make you laugh. 

    Here, 14 zingers from comedians and authors Michael Strecker (author of Young Comic's Guide to Telling Jokes) and Rob Elliott (author of Laugh-Out-Loud Jokes for Kids). 

    1. When will the little snake arrive?I don't know, but he won't be long.

    2. Why did Dracula lie in the wrong coffin?He made a grave mistake.

    3. Why should you not let a bear operate the remote?He will keep pressing the paws button.

    4. Why did the man get fired from his job at the coin factory?He stopped making cents.

    5. Where did article on the famous owl research appear?In the "Who's Who."

    6. Why didn't the dental hygienist like her award?It was a plaque.

    7. Why was the road nervous?It was about to get graded.

    8. Why did the dinosaur refuse to wear deodorant?He didn't want to be ex-stink.

    9. Why was the weightlifter upset?She worked with dumbbells.

    10. What kind of match is hard to get out of the box?A wrestling match.

    11 .What is the Pope's favorite scent?Pope-pourri.

    12. Why did the pony get sent to his room?He wouldn't stop horsing around.

    13. Knock knock. Who's there?Funnel. Funnel Who? The Funnel start once you let me in!

    14. What do music and chickens have in common?Bach, Bach, Bach!

    quarta-feira, 8 de maio de 2019

    57 Funny Jokes for Kids (And Adults Who Like Dumb Jokes)

    Real kid jokes are pretty hard to come up with on your own. Honestly, have you ever tried? Basically, a good kid's joke is funny-ish but doubles down on being silly more than being clever. In fact, good jokes for kids celebrate and revel in it. Which is what makes them appealing to adults too. A funny kid joke is like '60s Batman with Adam West: It works for kids because it's light-hearted and fun, and it works for adults because it's just so irresistibly cheesy. And with that dated but totally funny reference, here are 57 hilarious knee-slappers that kids will love and adults won't be able to help but groan at.

  • Why Birds FlyQ: Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter?A: It's much easier than walking!
  • Smarter Than a ParrotQ: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?A: A spelling bee.
  • The Hospitalized BananaQ: Why did the banana go to the hospital?A: He was peeling really bad.
  • The Friendly OceanQ: How does the ocean say hello?A: It waves.
  • The Fake NoodleQ: What do you call a fake noodle?A: An im-pasta.
  • The Problem With AtomsQ: Why can't you trust atoms?A: They make up everything.
  • Plate WhispererQ: What did one plate whisper to the other plate?A: Dinner is on me.
  • Why Dogs Can't DanceQ: Why aren't dogs good dancers?A: They have two left feet?
  • Again SnowmanQ: What do you call an old snowman?A: Water.
  • The Imprisoned PictureQ: Why was the picture sent to jail?A: It was framed.
  • Tissue DanceQ: How do you get a tissue to dance?A: You put a boogie in it.
  • Baseball HeroQ: Which superhero hits the most home runs?A: Batman.
  • It Has Wheels and FliesQ: What has four wheels and flies?A: A garbage truck.
  • The Problem With Baseball StadiumsQ: Why is a baseball stadium always cold?A: Because it's full of fans!
  • Strongest Days of the WeekQ: What are the strongest days of the week?A: Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weekdays.
  • The Astronaut's BabyQ: How do you stop an astronaut's baby from crying?A: You rocket!
  • Rich ElvesQ: What do you call a rich elf?A: Welfy.
  • Giant TalkQ: How do you talk to giants?A: Use big words!
  • Broken BoomerangsQ: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?A: A stick.
  • Tiny BeachesQ: What washes up on really small beaches?A: Micro-waves.
  • Octopus LaughsQ: How do you make an octopus laugh?A: With ten-tickles.
  • Cheese ProprietyQ: What do you call cheese that's not your cheese?A: Nacho cheese.
  • Artichoke FatalityQ: How do you make an artichoke?A: You strangle it.
  • The Bashful TomatoQ: Why did the tomato blush?A: Because it saw the salad dressing.
  • The Cool 'ShroomsQ: Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?A: Because they're such fungis!
  • Humpty DumptyQ: Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?A: To make up for his miserable summer.
  • The Scared SkeletonQ: Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?A: He didn't have any guts.
  • Writing HandsQ: Which hand is better to write with?A: Neither, it's better to write with a pen.
  • The Sad Math BookQ: Why did the math book look so sad?A: Because of all its problems.
  • The Holy WaterQ: How do you make holy water?A: Boil the hell out of it.
  • Traditional ThanksgivingQ: Should you have your whole family for Thanksgiving dinner?A: No, you should just stick with turkey.
  • After School ElvesQ: What do elves do after school?A: Their gnome work.
  • Another Name for SeagullQ: What do you call a seagull when it flies over a bay?A: A bagel.
  • Flower MathQ: How many lips does a flower have?A: Tu-lips.
  • How to Stop a BullQ: How do you stop a bull from charging?A: Cancel its credit card.
  • The Pile of CatsQ: What do you call a pile of cats?A: A meow-tain.
  • Jungle RoyaltyQ: Why can't you trust the king of the jungle?A: Because he is always lion.
  • Pregnant Bed BugQ: Have you heard of the pregnant bed bug?A: She's going to have her baby in the spring.
  • Sensitive BurglarQ: Why was the burglar so sensitive?A: He takes things personally.
  • The Population of IrelandQ: Did you hear about the population of Ireland?A: It's Dublin.
  • The Bike FallQ: Why did the bicycle fall over?A: It was two tired.
  • Mummy MusicQ: What kind of music do mummies listen to?A: Wrap music.
  • No Eye FishQ: What do you call a fish with no eye?A: Fssshh.
  • The Cool SharkQ: What do sharks say when something cool happens?A: Jawesome!
  • The Butcher AccidentQ: What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?A: He got a little behind in his work.
  • The Wet SandQ: Why was the sand wet?A: Because the sea weed.
  • The Rubber ToeQ: What do you call a guy with a rubber toe?A: Roberto.
  • Nosy PepperQ: What do you call a nosy pepper?A: Jalapeno business!
  • Vampire InsomniaQ: Why couldn't Dracula's wife fall asleep?A: Because of his coffin!
  • The Driving DinoQ: What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car?A: Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
  • The Shy FartsQ: What do you call a guy who never farts in public?A: A private tutor.
  • The Virtues of SwitzerlandQ: What's the best thing about Switzerland?A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
  • The ActorQ: Why do we tell actors to break a leg?A: Because every play has a cast.
  • The TheaterQ: Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?A: He was just going through a stage.
  • The Bottom of the SeaQ: What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?A: A nervous wreck.
  • The Magic DogQ: What do you call a magic dog?A: A Labracadabrador.
  • Like a ParrotQ: What's orange and sounds like a parrot.A: A carrot.
  • Ghost BeveragesQ: What do ghosts like to drink the most?A: Ghoul-ade!
  • Cold vampiresQ: What can you catch from a vampire in winter-time?A: Frost-bite!
  • Tooth TimeQ: What time is it when you have to go to the dentist?A: Tooth: hurty!
  • Related Articles:

    The post 57 Funny Jokes for Kids (And Adults Who Like Dumb Jokes) appeared first on Fatherly.

    sábado, 4 de maio de 2019

    Kendall Jenner Jokes She’s Avoiding Pregnancy After Posting Family Photo With Sisters & Their Kids

    Kendall Jenner is the only KarJenner sister who hasn't welcomed a baby — and intends to keep it that way right now. Even Hailey Baldwin could relate to Kendall's pregnancy meme.

    The KarJenner sisters' empire is already set to be inherited by mini heiresses and heirs (nine so far). We saw this when Kylie, 21, Khloe, 34, Kim, 38, and Kourtney, 40 — along with Kris, Travis Scott and Kanye West — posed for a family portrait on a sofa, with all their kids in tow. And then there was Kendall Jenner. The 23-year-old model looked like that cool, childless aunt that's always idolized in movies, and she shared the group photo to Instagram with a heart emoji on April 26. But Kendall included this meme in the next slide that set off a wave of laughing emojis in her comments section.

    "Pregnancy in the air. Me:" the meme's caption read, followed by a photo of a lady with a plastic bag over her head. Kendall was poking fun at her sisters' love for babies, which earned three laughing emojis from big sister Kim. The KKW Beauty owner is even expecting another baby after a surrogate welcomes her fourth child! Meanwhile, Hailey Baldwin, 22, could totally relate to her modeling pal, even if the blonde beauty just married Justin Bieber, 25, in Sept. 2018. "AHHHAHAHAAA exactly," Hailey commented underneath Kendall's pregnancy meme.

    This isn't the first time Kendall has poked fun at her sisters' baby fever. The runway queen shared a photo of her lazy day in Nov. 2018 — which consisted of lounging poolside in a string bikini — and captioned it, "All my siblings posting their babies and sh**t and i'm just like." Just like, you know, being the world's highest-paid model as of 2018.

    Kendall Jenner Pregnancy MemeKendall Jenner's pregnancy meme earns laughs from her sister Kim Kardashian and her best friend Hailey Baldwin. (Courtesy of @kendalljenner/Instagram)

    Kendall may be avoiding the pregnancy in the air, but that's not the case when it comes to love in the air. "I am very much someone who, I fall in love with someone – I'm like love-at-first-sight type of person. I know I'm gonna fall in love with you the second that I meet you," Kendall admitted to Kourtney during a chat about romance, which was uploaded to Poosh on April 25. But Kendall's not necessarily a hopeless romantic, as she added, "I am not the kind of person who can, like, gradually fall in love with someone. I don't know how that's supposed to go. I don't understand that."